TABLE FACE SMASH – Between the Games
The one where Sarah holds all the brain cells of Achievement Hunter. Gavin: Since Jeremy’s beard has come off, he’s lost his inhibition. Jeremy: That’s my limiter. Yeah. Gavin: His inhibitor has fallen off and now he is very punchy, axey, swipey. Trevor: You know what? This is how dusk started. Jeremy’s gonna be a voluntary dusk boy. Alfredo: Oh, Jesus. Jeremy: Axe into the Ikea table ball~ Gavin: Not a ball! (Both laughing) Alfredo: Noooargh. Trevor: Ooooh. (All of them excited) Gavin: Jesus. Gavin: These things are made of paper. Trevor: Golf club! (Crunch) Alfredo: Ooho. (Gavin laughs) Jeremy: Go ahead, Fredo. Finish it off… Ohp! Trevor: Hold on. (More crunching) Trevor: There we go. Jeremy: Man, these things are just not made of anything. Alfredo: They’re really not. Trevor: WOOO! Jeremy: Eeeo. Alfredo: Like a honeycomb design.
Trevor: Yeah, there’s a reason why these things are just five bucks at Ikea. Alfredo: They get the job done when you’re at college though. Yeah. Trevor: That’s what your old desk was made out of, hence the axe thing. Gavin: So do you think someone could put their head through THAT? Trevor: Yes. Jeremy: Yeah. Gavin: Jeremy, how much for you to nut a hole through the middle of that? (Knocks on the remains of table) Jeremy: What? (Gavin imitates knocking head through table) Jeremy: I would do it. Gavin: Do you think you can go all the way through? Jeremy: Maybe. I would cut up my face but I’d do it. Alfredo: Oooh. I mean. Jeremy: Like feel that, Gav.
Alfredo: That will take you some skin. (Gavin hums in agreement) Jeremy: Like that will hurt but it’d be funny. Gavin: What if we got you a little helmet? Jeremy: Then, absolutely I will. Gavin: We could put it against the wall and then you could just run. (Alfredo laughs) Jeremy: I wouldn’t even run. I’d just go here and I just go here and I’d just… (Gavin laughs) Gavin: That’d be awesome. Alfredo: Or hurt. Trevor: What happened to those Payday masks that we had? They could protect his whole face. He just goes in. Gavin: Yeah. Jack wears that one in flinchless. Jeremy: I’m all face though! (Laughter) Trevor: Hoho.
Gavin: Oh, yeah. There you go. Trevor: We can do it now! Jeremy: Oh God. Trevor: Fredo, the more pieces you make, the more we gotta clean. Gavin: So, if we take this off, then Jeremy could run straight through that. Trevor: Alright. Testing. Alfredo: Aww.
Gavin: Nooo. Trevor: Just a putt. (Putts Jeremy who grunts and then starts to giggle) (Jeremy knocks on the desk) Alfredo: Is there any kind of foam on the inside? Is it lined with foam? Jeremy: Yeah, it’s got some cushion. Gavin: I’m not sure you’ll make it through.
Jeremy: I don’t think I will either.
(Start to laugh nervously) Trevor: Don’t. I don’t know if you should do this, dude. Alfredo: No. Here comes a mild concussion. (Gavin laughing) Gavin: I mean it snapped pretty nicely over his knee. Jeremy: It’s gonna hurt really bad. Gavin: Do we need to pre-stress it from the underneath? Sarah: That’s what I’m saying. I think we should. Trevor: Oh, I will pre.
(Knocks on underneath of the desk with golf club)
Jeremy: No. No. (Giggling) Trevor: Pre-stressed. Trevor: Not a scratch. (Laughter) Jeremy: Alright. Gavin: Should I get it in slow mo? Sarah: Oooh. This is such a bad idea.
Jeremy: Yeah, I know. Trevor: It’s a terrible one.
Alfredo: Yikes. Don’t do this at home.
(General agreement) Trevor: This is how Rooster Teeth goes out of business. The liability. Jeremy: I just gotta make sure that when I hit it’s just head. That my head’s not going back. Alfredo: I don’t wanna break your nose.
Jeremy: I wanna hit there. Trevor: Jeremy, I need you to give verbal, like, what’s it called? –
Trevor: Consent that you wanna do this. Alfredo: I, Jeremy Dooley …
Jeremy: Alright, here we go. Gavin: Oh God.
Trevor: Saying he doesn’t have to do it is the peer pressure.
Alfredo: Oh, f*ck. Jeremy: Alright. I’m just gonna give it one go and I can’t guarantee how hard it’s gonna be because my brain will only let me do so much. Lindsay: Yeah. Like live. (Jeremy taking deep breaths) Jeremy: Doyjo!! (Bonk) (Laughter) (Repeat in slow mo) (More laughter) Gavin: Oh, shit. You put a dent in it. (Laughter)
Trevor: Oh, no.
Gavin: Oh my God. Alfredo: That f*cking war cry. (Imitates Jeremy) Jeremy: Let me do one more. Let me do one more. Trevor: Oh no Michael. No.
Lindsay: Yeah. Just turn around. Jeremy: Me and you, table. You killed my father. Prepare to die. (Grunting) (Laughter) (And again in slow mo) Lindsay: (disappointed mum voice) Jeremy. Trevor: That’s a yikes, dude.
Michael: Who’s driving him home? Gavin: That’s a hard yikes.
Michael: He’s gonna pass out. (Jeremy grunts) (Laughter) Alredo: Oh, shit.
Jeremy: I really wanted it! Michael: Keep going man. You’re almost there. (Everyone else saying NO) Michael: Yeah! They’re all quitting on you, Jeremy!
Gavin: To be fair, things do happen in threes. Jeremy: Things happen in threes.
Michael: Come on, let him have it. A waste of a table though. Alfredo: Face made holes.
Jeremy: Zen place. You are head. This is table.
Trevor: Pretend it’s not there. Jeremy: Head stronger than table. (Slow mo) (More grunting and bird noises from Gavin) Michael: Damn dude. You know what they say about four.
Lindsay: Oh damn. Michael: It’s because you gotta tighten the top of your mask.
Trevor: You know what Michael, you’re right, things come in fours. Sarah: Nooo. Stop.
Michael: You gotta tighten the top here. It’s loose and that’s why. What? He’s gotta break it! Michael: I didn’t tell him to do it, I’m just like…. (And headbutt #4) (Screams of NO) Trevor: He’s getting closer to the hard part.
Alfredo: Stop. Go in the middle! Michael: Want me to take over?
Trevor: Michael can finish it. Gavin: I mean it’s a tag team situation.
Michael: I got you. You’re looking a little red. Trevor: He is quite red.
Gavin: It’s like a perfect face. Michael: You’ve gotten real close to the edge.
Jeremy: Yeah, the edge is bad. Trevor: He’s using forehead, which is a wise move unless you wanna break a nose.
Jeremy: I really don’t wanna break a nose or a neck. (Hard Bonk) (Laughter) Trevor: I can see the backoff. (Slow mo) Trevor: His brain works too well.
Michael: That was all nose there. You really gotta go top of the head. Gavin: Jeremy was going like head down. You’re going face down. Michael: He’s got a rounder head than me. I don’t have the technique. What do you like… (Laughter) top of your head. How where you doing it? Jeremy: I was like… I never skip head day. (THUMP) (Ouch!) Alfredo: You’re getting closer to the edge.
Trevor: You’re getting so close to the edge.
Alfredo: Stop! Michael: That didn’t hurt as bad though. You’re right. Jeremy: Yeah. Michael: I almost broke my nose on the second one. Gavin: I just can’t wait for Michael’s head to pop through. Jeremy: Yeah, you’re getting to close to the edge there. Michael: But this is where the hole is! Up here, I gotta start all over! Jeremy: Yeah, but if you hit right here, it’ll still –
Michael: I gotta start all over.
Jeremy: No it’s not all over. (Bonk) Michael: That’s tough, man. I don’t know if I can do it. Trevor: You can do it. Michael: I don’t know that I can do it. If Jeremy couldn’t do it, who am I? (Bonk) (Slow mo) (More grunting from everyone) Jeremy: It looks so bad.
Trevor: What’s happening is his brain takes over right before impact and he stops. Michael: No there’s no stopping, Trevor.
Trevor: No, it’s ok. It’s a healthy thing, you wanna stop. Michael: It’s the top of your head thing.
Sarah: No. No, no, no Jeremy. Michael: He had some time to rest. The man knows what he is doing. Trevor: You can’t say the thing is impossible when Jeremy is in the room.
Michael: The second one was like, all here. Michael: How did this happen? (Sarah laughs)
Gavin: Well, they just went mental on the other one. (sigh) Trevor: It got dusky.
Gavin: It got real dusky. The oxygen went through the floor. Michael: You should have started closer to the center. (Bonk) Gavin: GOD.
Michael: Like that one didn’t do it. That was so hard! Trevor: God, dude. Michael: Lindsay, are you seeing this.
Trevor: She’s hearing it. Gavin: That’s gotta be it.
Sarah: You gotta give up dude. Michael: Jeremy, it’s not even bulging on the other side yet.
Lindsay: I can’t… Trevor: Lindsay left.
Michael: I say, save it for another day. Gavin: Restore the braincells. Michael: Your head will come back, the table won’t. Jeremy: Ohh, got such a headache.
Sarah: No duh, dipshit! Oh god, it’s so stupid. Jeremy: The pupils are the same, I am sure.
Michael: It’s fine.
Gavin: I don’t know how to do the concussion test but you look alright. Jeremy: My eyes aren’t moving and the pupils aren’t dialated. So, there we go, we are all good. Jeremy: I consented to what happened here and eh… Michael: I was proud of you just to see it. Jeremy: Clearly, nothing happened all here.
Gavin: There’s a whole head.
Michael: Yeah, that’s the kicker, if there was something cracking, I’d say go for it. Jeremy: If that was bulging a bit. But no. It’s just all … That’s just all (Knocks on it) Gavin: Alright, I gotta look at that last one in slow mo. That was…
Michael: The last one was imminence.