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A Dick Gone Too Far – Sex Fails (feat. Taylor Ortega)


I’m Taylor Ortega.
I learned that small penises are the only medically
approved penises. At one point I had a close male
friend, he’s a close friend. There tend to be a rumor
about him having a big penis. That’s not true,
that’s just not true. I was never like,
“Wow, no your penis so too big.” Just to be completely
honest to men, and I know people
make you feel really paranoid about your penises,
they’re mostly the same. Sometimes they’re different
colors, some are more purpley, I did see skinny one, one time. Oh, okay. It wasn’t my favorite
but it was okay. One day we had sex
with one another with his very regular penis,
very garden variety sex, the me on bottom looking at the
ceiling thinking about tomorrow. The kind of behind me, which ugh, it’s such
a nice moment to be like, “Maybe you should
get behind me.” During the other parts of sex
when someone can your face, you have to be engaged, you have to be enthusiastic,
you have to be like, “This is the greatest moment
of my life. Oh my gosh,
I’m having such a good time.” “Oh my God, I’ve waited
all day for this.” When they’re behind you then men
are like, “This is so cool.” They get so excited, yeah,
whatever I’m kind of done waiting for them to finish up, so they can go
and you can watch Netflix again. I’m ready for this to be over,
I’m hungry, so get back there. So we’re having regular sex and something goes
terribly wrong, I just feel it. It wasn’t like a muscular pain,
it wasn’t a pee-pee pain, I always immediately concerned.
It is my IUD I know it, it’s literally
like a fishhook in your body, so if something’s wrong
it’s probably that. She moves,
you’re going to feel it. This IUD is not in place,
I could get my period and that’s just not a reality
I’m ready to face yet. Three months after
I got this IUD, I did stop getting my period. Not having my period
for five years has been insane. I can go to the beach
whenever I want, wear any pair of pants
whenever I wanted. Love this IUD, I’m probably
going to get another one. This is the most important thing
I have in my life. This is all I care about. So I go to this doctor,
I’ve never been there before but I need to get this
taken care of. Not to make a whole
big statement about healthcare but you guys make so much money, why are your hours like 10AM
to 2PM, Monday through Tuesday? I go to the doctor, I won’t lie
this is an apartment. Fine, it’s New York,
whatever, no rules. The exam room, I don’t want
to also say it was a closet, I just feel like
if you’re in an exam room of a doctors’ office, the door shouldn’t be those
plastic ones that are like pfft. So I’m starting to get nervous,
it’s just me and the doctor he tells me we needed to do
essentially an ultrasound. He starts to do it, “Okay,
well here’s the problem, your IUD was knocked into
your uterus and it tore your uterus.”
What? Do we have to move it? And he was like,
“No, it’s pretty much solved.” Wow, this has been
so not worth it. He was like,
“Are you sexually active?” Yeah. “Well I just wanted to talk
to you about your partner and his penis.” I already know that
this not a ride I want to go on, but fine. It’s so important
for your health that you only have sex
with small penises. This is so invasive, also you
know nothing about his penis, it’s definitely not too big because I can fit
the whole thing in my mouth and it’s not even uncomfortable. He was like, “You listen to me,
I’m a medical professional. I have a patient, she came to me because they were having sex
and his penis was too big, so he punctured through
the wall of her vagina and then her intestines
all fell out of her hole.” Rudely you told me this story because I don’t think
she wanted you to. Number two,
I am confident wagering the entire $3000 dollars that I have in my life
and saying that didn’t happen. He was like, “Well,
it’s your life to risk,” good. And I went and I met my friends, the guy was there
that I was having sex with and I told him this story
and he said, “You know, when this other friend
and I were having sex I also knocked her IUD out,”
you’re doing something wrong, you can’t just willy
nilly be out there. I will never have a child
that I care about as much as I care
about this IUD. He’s never going to be
as invested in this IUD as I am. Right then and there I naturally
dated him for year after that and he did dump me,
so lesson really learned. I’m gay now.

100 thoughts on “A Dick Gone Too Far – Sex Fails (feat. Taylor Ortega)

  1. funny how so many women are proud of faking enjoyment. acting like its somehow an empowering thing. it just makes it obvious that you don't think you are as important as the man. that the absolute most important thing is always what the MAN wants, not what YOU want. how is that empowering or a blow to a man? it's putting YOURSELF down, or at least low self-esteem. you should put yourself and your own desires at the top. or at least EVEN with your partner.

    and these dynamics don't disappear when you turn gay. THE SAME dynamics are in play in same sex relationships!

  2. Me on the bottom thinking about tomorrow. .. LMAOFF 😅 priceless… kinda of like me having u do reverse cowgirl so i dont have to look at her face… just that arched back and curves… LMAOFF 😅

  3. well since she is now lesbian now the IUD is not the most important thing in her life, hopefully her partner is, just saying

  4. She looks like from the lead actress from " Roswell New Mexico" her name on the show is Liz Ortecho
    Edit: Jeanine Mason is younger so she looks like Taylor.

  5. I mean if you wanna be done and watch NetFlix… just say so… we are trying to do business too. I mean hell I wanna be done so I can watch porn

  6. Out of all of my what the fucks the only one I want answered is why the fuck do people care more about random shit like an IUD and not kids…

  7. I call bullshit. There is no way a penis can puncture a hole through a vagina. the Vagina is muscular, strong, and elastic. It would take a tremendous force to puncture it. This has never happened in human history.

  8. Wait….so if a guy has a big dick, he shouldn't have sex with chicks who have an IUD? ………. Well shit. I mean, he doesn't even have to be that long to hit the uterus, depending on how aroused she is. If she's not very aroused, it could be 5", 6". Even if she's super aroused and the vagina is enlongated to its maximum, if he's 8", 9", he's still going to hit it if he goes all the way. Great. Now I have to put a disclaimer on my dick saying "DANGER. MAY KNOCK IUD OUT".

  9. Why are you having sex if you don't like it?
    Hurry up so I can get back to watching my Netflix?
    And now you are gay?
    Good. At least you won't need to explain this video to your kids one day.
    GTFO OF here.
    Go find God.

  10. BESTEST comment: "That's enough internet for me. I'm out."
    Lafffd my fokkin a$$ off!!!! (which is goood cawz — ths beeetch wuz NOT funny!!).

  11. Bruh you’re intestines can’t fall out like that because they are held together by the mesentery it’s physically impossible

  12. Has this bitch never seen a porno? There are vastly different sizes and dicks maybe she just hasn't fucked that many people LOL

  13. I'm gay now? I thought that if you're gay, you're always gay. You can be hiding it, but you're still gay right?

  14. 1:00 even during sex people can’t live in the moment anymore… our attention spans and interests have been so hyper-destroyed by electronics, entertainment on demand, everything we have now that even sex itself is no longer interesting to us…

  15. Yes, a large penis and/or too vigorous thrusting can puncture the vagina, but it's very, very rare. I'm an e.r. nurse, and I saw it ONCE in 48 years. ONCE.

  16. She clearly has not seen the same porn i have come across (giggity), there are definitely some dicks out there that can punch through a lot more than a uterus.

  17. Kept mentioning IUD but never once said what it was. Hate it when girls tell stories where they just assume you know what they are talking about. Eh, Guess that is what google is for.

  18. Oh yeah one more thing all that “ me 2 “ movement wtf really guy s don’t respect you because you are dirty think about pornography is a billion dollar trillion dollars industrial wtf why you show your ass and you all lap dance and you all wonder guys don’t respect pact you hypocrites

  19. Lol. Reminds me of the time I played ring toss with a nuvaring. Was a little weird pulling out and you now have a ring on it 🤣

  20. I had an IUD fall into my cervix and cause some damage. It hurt my boyfriend kinda bad for a while, but I still have pain from the damage it caused. I don't trust them anymore, I have a nuva ring lol

  21. Did you actually sit down and write this script? So over dramatic almost bored to death already, Your probably still a virgin, ok so wake me up when you finish.

  22. Taylor,  Given the long term loving relationship you had with that IUD did you have a name for it?  Sorry for your loss.

  23. ok. so the morale of the story is the guy with the regular penis is a inconsiderate asshole because he accedently kocked an IUD out twice on two different occasions? Oh wow.

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